an almost complete turn around

Time to grow up

2009-03-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

I miss ranting here. I always feel like blogging but never really got around to opening my blog and writing down something. It is not because I am so swamped with work 'cause I'm not (but I think I should be, I am just in denial).

My friend and I spent the afternoon together. For a change I managed to drag my butt out of bed, in time to meet her in town for, initially, some window shopping but as usual I ended up spending when I'm not really suppossed to. That's just very typical of me. But I tried to justify it by saying that the last time I really went shopping was when I did my Christmas presents shopping which by the way, does not really count as shoppingforme. Okay, that wasn't really the last time because I just remembered that I did spend about a hundred quid on Boxing Day when there was a huge sale.

So we yes, we went shopping then we ate in Mackies afterwards. Then we got in to talking about the silly stuff we did back when we were naive and young. Not that we're really old but you get what I mean. It is quite amazing for me in a way that the things that used to matter or bother me back then just seems silly and nonsense to me now. I guess I can take that as an indication that somehow I have grown. I'd like to think that I have outgrown all those things.

Back in the early days of high school life, which by the way feels like a lifetime ago now, I frequently get bothered/upset/depressed. You would never guess my reason, love. Not the heavy love stuff but the pathetic, petty and probably shallow one. LOL

I kind of hate thinking about it now because I wonder how shallow I can get. I used to cry over very trivial things and when I do get in to what you call 'lover's quarrel', I take my time getting depressed and all mopey like my whole world is falling apart. Which by now I have realized that it doesn't always happen that way. I've had my fair share of heart aches and heart breaks here and there. But what's silly and quite funny is how the very insignificant things got to me before. When I try to remember all those crying moments, I'm really compelled to go back in time and give myself a good smack on the head and tell her, "Stop this non-sense and make better use of your time and life. It ain't always gonna this easy, trust me silly, naive me!". You see if I can do just that then I would have saved myself all those bucket of tears shed for nothing. Well probably not until I explain to myself how pathetic I am by doing such things.

So when I hear young people complaining and ranting about how their life sucks just because they had a fight with their bfs/gfs, I can't help but laugh a little. Not because I find it funny that they are unhappy. It's because I know one day, they will realize that life can get a lot more complicated than the usual LQ between lovers. They say that in love, age doesn't matter. In my opinion, sometimes it does. I tell my younger cousins and some friends who are younger than me to not take love too seriously. What I am trying to tell them is to not let themselves get too caught up in the drama. But I guess that can't be helped because high school, most of the time, is just a big drama. That's what makes it one of the highlights in most peoples' lives.

I am no love expert. Even if I sound old and cynical right now, I admit that until this point I'm still not sure whether I really understand that four letter word.

Maybe we all need to be silly, shallow and naive in our younger days. Maybe during those teenage years, we get that special privelege. However, we won't always have that especially when growing old is inevitable and the need to grow up, even if it's optional is something we must do 'cause life forces us to.

Sorry to disappoint you I'm still alive. LOL

2009-02-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. Well I do not know who I am really talking to. Oh I guess it's you blog since it has always been the two of us from the start.

I haven't posted for quite a long time. How long? Just refer to the date of my previous entry.

Much has happened, as I always say. So I will give the gist of what's going on with me right now.

WORK
Enjoying it. Busy season is challenging, tiring but as I said, enjoying most of it. I am learning a lot of new things and finally getting in to grips with the audit work.

I am currently working on an insurance brokerage client (not that anyone would want to know). Last week, I was doing the interim audit for a new pension scheme client. That too is very interesting. I get to practice my communication skills as I have to discuss a lot of things with the client because the week was basically a knowledge gathering exercise. Boosted my confidence too since I now believe that I can carry a conversation in a language that seems foreign to me before. Not English language but accountant's language. I was bombarded with technicalities when I first went out to a client audit that I felt like my colleagues were from Mars and thus speaking Martian language. Now I am happy that I get the inside jokes, well most of it.

STUDIES
College will be starting on March. I have passed my first 2 exams.

So 2 down, 12 more to go.

That'll be it for now. I still need to go to work early to finish off my stuff.

Special award

2008-07-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Bro: Why are you crying?
Lil sis: *crying mode* 'Cause Ate is hurting my feelings.

Am I the most horrible sister ever or what? Well if you'd ask my uber sensitive seven-year old sister then she would not hesitate to answer you with a "Yes she definitely is." It makes me wonder did she really mean that. Does she even know that feeling? Okay so I admit that I was a little annoyed and hurt at the same time. I am not going to write about what really happened because honestly I'm not a little annoyed anymore. Here's my response to her,

Oh so now I'm the one who's hurting your feelings. WHATEVER!!!!!!!

So the most terrible, insensitive and worst sister of the year award goes to yours truly. Thank you very much. *bow*

Hating

2008-07-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

Perhaps hating is too strong a word. Wait. . .But I am really hating this summer. There so many reasons why and I have no intention of ranting about them all. So maybe just a few of them. The most annoying thing about this summer is the fact that I HAVE NO JOB. And NO JOB EQUALS NO MONEY. I tell you, it is no fun having tons of free time when you have nothing to do. Okay you say that I can do stuff without needing money. Like what? I am used to window shopping, you know just looking and trying stuff that I know I cannot afford! But whenever I go out I want to be able to eat somewhere and treat myself. I think that is the least I can do for me. Yes yes for me. How selfish! One more thing, my friend just went home (Phil) for her vacation. That is why I am feeling kind of homesick. *sniffs*

NO JOB = NO MONEY = UNABLE TO PAY MY BILLS. I made a very big mistake quitting my job so early. Its just that I am so fed up with it and thought that I could not take anymore of it. When actually I can take at least two more months of it just so I could have my own money. Too late for this now. I just wish that days would go faster so I can start on my real job. My apprenticeship.

Moving on, I have been tagged by my sexy Felisa. SO here it goes!

First, here are the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged me.

2) Mention the rules.

3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.

4) Tag 6 other bloggers by linking to them.

5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

FIRST. This is the very first time anyone has ever tagged me since I started blogging in 2005. HAHA. Am I such a dork or what?

SECOND. I started wearing eye glasses few days ago. Now I can actually see things from a far like the bus number of the approaching bus whenever I am at the bus stop or the menus whenever I stop by fast food restaurants to get a quick bite.

THIRD. Mails/letters sent from PwC make my heart jump every time I was about to open them. I am so excited about it!

FOURTH. Right now I am really worried when our telephone bill arrives because I have made quite a few *an understatement maybe?* expensive calls that my does not know about. Well he will find out soon. *fingers crossed*

FIFTH. I have a 2 day job and it will start tomorrow and most probably my earnings from it will go to my dad's credit card because I need to pay him back. *sad*

SIXTH. This summer, I don't sleep earlier than 1 am. Nocturnal!

Now I am tagging:

ATE GRACE, JASMIN, REYN, LHYZIE, TONI and LOLA XY!

Wimbledon 2008

2008-07-06T15:55:00.001-07:00

The finals today between Nadal and Federer was indeed an epic one. Recovering from a very close defeat early on in the game, Roger Federer forced the powerful Nadal to a fourth set tie break which the five-time Wimbledon champion defended with all his might. Honestly, with two sets to love in favour of Nadal I have already given up my hope. I thought Roger would not be able to level up but he did. And that proved that he really is a true spirit of a champion. He may have lost his chance to set a new world record of winning the Wimbledon title for the sixth year running still he played a great match. Kudos to him. I was nervous all through out the fourth and fifth set and of course disappointed when Nadal have won his championship point which he really did had to work hard for. It was the longest match of men's final in Wimbledon history. And the weather not cooperating did not help the nerves especially mine. You see, we're all hooked up to tennis my whole family and today I was the only one rooting for Roger. You can imagine the pressure I'm in as well. HAHA

Nevertheless, I have to say kudos to Rafael Nadal too. He has a fierce game play and both players' attitude when faced with adversity is something they should be admired for. Congratulations to this young Spanish player for winning his first Wimbledon title. Who can't admire a player who just won the French Open title a month ago, went on to Queens to come out as a victor as well and just today became a Wimbledon champion? I think he will have more and more victorious years in his tennis career. Ending this, I am still a loyal Federer fan. *grins*

Beautiful in my eyes

2008-07-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

I promised that this would be a love-post-free blog. You know, that kind of romantic love. So let me ask you, is marriage under that category? Well if it is then I broke my promise yet again. I kept it long enough though.

Beautiful in My Eyes by Joshua Kadison. That song is to blame for this post. A friend of mine told me to listen to that song and as an obedient friend that I am, I searched for it in Youtube then googled the lyrics. Then there it was, under the wedding songs category. Wedding, marriage does it always connote love. Is love always the reason? I know it doesn't take a genius to figure out that love is not always behind the wedding bells. There could be a lot of reasons. I think the more intriguing question is "Should love always be the reason?". I want that to be a rhetorical question yet somehow I'm curious. Curious enough to ask these questions that if I were in my right frame of mind I wouldn't even think of.

Another question, "Is it true that every woman dreams of getting married someday?". Is that part of your dreams too? Unfortunately, I have to admit it was part of mine. Maybe it still is. Upon hearing that beautiful song, I can't help but imagine my own wedding day. The thought of walking down the aisle with that one guy waiting for me at the altar who is ready to make a promise to spend the rest of his life with me melted my heart. My heart that I thought have turned into stone after all the unfortunate happenings in my life. However, the uncertainty of any kind of relationships makes it hard for me to believe more so sustain the floating feeling brought about by a supposed to be happy thought. The good thing is no one is going to charge us if we dream about these things. So I guess there's my sense of relief. No strings attached here, I'm just dreaming.

You will always be beautiful in my eyes. And the passing years will show that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.

Here's the music video:

I have no plans of getting married yet and even if I do I would have to find a groom first! HAHA

Why would you want to be an...

2008-06-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

accountant? That is the question. I remember me and groupmates in my A2 Accounts class asked our tutor the same question. Well not really the same question 'cause we asked him "Why he did not become an accountant?". His straightforward answer was "I can't think of anything more boring than being an accountant." Not his exact words but his answer was along those lines. We were not surprised and we had a good laugh about it. This is the perception of most people about the accounting profession. What these people don't know is that accountants are not even close to boring as they make them out to be. I am not here to change your opinion/perception/view about the profession or pull you over to the dark side. This is just random thought. Okay maybe this is not random because I am doing a lot of research and studying because I am going to start my qualification two months from now.

I decided to be an accountant quite early on in my life. If my memory serves me right, I think it was my elementary years grade 5 or 6 to be exact. I was what about 11 or 12 years old then. And as I grow older I wanted it more and more. I am not exactly sure why I am writing this. The thing is when you are so close to having something that you've always wanted, a dream so close to your heart you're bound to get those butterflies in your stomach. Or is it just me? I am excited yet nervous 'cause I know high ambitions cannot be cheaply won. I am in for a hard fight and a tough road. Sometimes I question myself whether I am really ready for this. This is big. Well at least it is for me.

Therefore, my unwavering answer to the question "Why would you want to be an accountant?" is "WHY WOULDN'T YOU?". It's not just a profession or a career to me, it's my passion, my dream and if something is that special to you no one can say anything that can make you turn your back to it. Again, that's at least the case for me.

Quickie PART 2

2008-06-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

So I did not edit my last post, you (yeah the imaginary you) know me! I'll give you a quick update.

Thursday, June 26. I went to the college open day with my friend and that was boring. And then she insisted that I go with her to the cinema. Since I am skint nowadays, I initially said NO. She kept on bugging me about it when we were window shopping (we decided to skip the last session and just head to the mall). I still maintained my stand. We went to H&M and like silly girls we are we tried on every big sunglasses there. I felt sad because they were bargain and I could not even afford one. I am so broke. She called her mom when we were inside the Apple store, and told tita that I am so stubborn I would not go with her to the cinema. I was like WTH?? Cutting the story short, I ended up going with her and I had fun. We watched WANTED, really good film. Loved every thing about it so go and buy your tickets now because you don't want to miss it. We ate at a Mexican restaurant first then we head off to cinema for the 9:30PM showing of the said film. Aside from having fun, I also made new friends so it was all worth it! I missed my friend too because it was quite awhile since we went out for FUN. HAHA

After that nothing much really happened. If you notice I got a new layout again. Don't worry I am certainly sticking to this one maybe for a long time. Fell inlove with its simplicity and right now I guess that's just what I need. SIMPLE.

Quickie

2008-06-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

At last, natapos ko rin ito. Yay new layout for me! LOL

I've got nothing much to say for now. Nanonood ako ng NCIS habang sinusulat itong post na ito. Baka edit ko ito later today kasi wala na ako masabi.

What now?

2008-06-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

College is officially over. I had my very last A-level exam in Further Accounting and Finance last Tuesday. There was nothing too technical about it but I didn't do enough revision so thinking back about my answers I am not too satisfied. I certainly could have done better. Anyway, what's done is done. I'm just really glad it's over and I've got one thing less to worry and stress about! If my memory serves me right, results are out on the 26th of August. So I've got atleast over 2 months before stressing out again.

Plus I am really excited about my apprenticeship. Can't wait to start. So for now I need to find a temporary job because I'm so skint. My parents are not too keen on giving or even lending me some moolah for now. My mom said she's going to pay for my eyeglasses which I should be getting on July coz she's still waiting for her "sweldo sa paluwagan". LOL And my dad volunteered to buy me one of my favourite perfumes, Clinique Happy but I was thinking that maybe I'd just get him to pay for my phonebill for the next 2 months. Obviously that would cost him more so I'm not sure if he'll go along with it!

I am not going to deny that I'm really enjoying sleeping until noon, eating brunch, watching TV for hours or using my laptop for hours. In other words, I am enjoying being a bum. I left my part time job last month. And if weren't for my mom's super nagging abilities I wouldn't be able to drag my butt out of bed yesterday and go to an employment agency. I wasn't even gone for more than an hour because I'm not in the mood to go round town coz I have no money. I wanted to buy vanilla frap yesterday and I'm sure you can figure out why I didn't buy one. So I just went to this one employment agency but the very nice lady said they don't have short term job opportunities available right now. So she told me to just check their website frequently and give them a call if ever I find any temp jobs! This is it for now.

KAPE

2008-05-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

I think coffee has a completely opposite effect on me. Instead of keeping me up, it actually makes me sleepy. I am so sleepy right now but I decided to update my dear blog.

I've got a major exam tomorrow. That's why I need the coffee to keep me up so I can do my final revision in other words cram as much topic in to my head as I can. Never a good idea, I would have to say. I am freaking out about this exam. It's a big deal and it is hard. *sigh*

I'm just hoping to get a decent grade for this one. Kinda disappointed because the subject is Math. And I used to love it and perhaps I still love it but I'm having a hard time. I'll do my best tomorrow because at the end of the day, its all I can do!

Nothing's new with me except that I will be officially jobless and a bum after this coming Saturday. I feel relieved and worried at the same time. But I know I could find a summer job. I just want to focus on revision for now then after all my exams I'll start my job hunting. My exams are my priority now even if that means that I have to ask my parents for money to spend until I find another job. HAHA! Hopefully after my last exam on the 17th of June, I'd be able to land a new, more exciting and fulfilling summer job.

I've got nothing more for now. I'm really sleepy and I think my brain is slowly switching off! LOL

Excited much?

2008-05-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

"I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons. Finally content with the past I regret. I found you find strength in your moments of weakness. For once I’m at peace with myself. I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long. I’M MOVING ON."

Those beautiful and inspiring lyrics are from the song I’m Moving On by, one of my favourite bands, Rascal Flatts. It fits exactly with my situation right now and what I want to happen in the near future.

"I’m moving on the last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me. And I know there’s no guarantee but I’m not alone. There comes time in every one’s life when all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone."

It takes time nevertheless no matter how long I believe I’d get there. Moving forward is the normal course of life. There are moments in the past that we want to go back to but we know there’s no going back. We all have to move on. Coz we can’t change what happened but we can affect what will happen.

That’s why I think that the song is more than just beautiful. It captures those times when someone yearns for the past but gives complete and undisputed importance to the future. That living your life right now and looking forward to the next day can give you a sense of direction. There’s no harm in looking back. However, let’s not look back for too long coz we might be missing a lot of greatness that is meant for us.

As promised this will still be related to my previous entry about my apprenticeship. After that great moment, I changed, my life have changed. I am so thankful to GOD for this blessing. One of my greatest dreams is to help my family. I dream of that day when I can finally tell my mom and dad that they don’t have to work anymore. I’d buy them a house back home (Philippines) when they retire and give them a good life. It’s my way of saying thank you for all the sacrifices they have made for us. And I believe that even a lifetime is not enough to thank them. So I’ll do my best, I will give my best to them.

Sometimes I think they don’t realise that I’m not just happy and grateful about this for myself, it’s more for them and my siblings. I’m aware that I’ve got a great challenge in front of me. I got this far however it doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. But with my faith, my family and that burning desire to reach my dreams I know I can succeed. As long as I hold on to those reinforcements, I know I will always find my way.

How everything changed

2008-04-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since my last update. And like what I always say in most of my entries many things have happened. Certainly most of them are good. No, wait. . .they were great.

I still feel like I'm floating right now. Seems like this feeling will take awhile before it wears off. Or maybe it never will. Okay so you want me to spill the beans now, right?

The past 2 weeks were very blessed weeks. I got accepted in to an apprenticeship programme of a very and I quote VERY prestigious and well-known company, PricewaterhouseCoopers. This coming autumn I will be one of their Trainee Associates.

I saw the job vacancy advertisement right about the 1st week of March. It was Wednesday afternoon and while browsing the vle (our college website), I saw the post of the said vacancy. It immediately caught my interest. I decided to try their simulation exercise but wasn't able to finish it because I got classes afterwards. That's why I tried it when I went home and I felt like, okay I am going to give this a try. So before that day ends, I completed the online application form . After a week or two, I received an email asking me to confirm the details I provided for my educational qualification. Then the waiting mode started. I didn't really expect anything from them because I thought it was a long shot. I applied so that I can tell myself that at least I tried and for me at that time it was definitely good enough.

Fast forward to the 1st week of April. I received a text message from the Student Recruitment saying that they would like to invite me to the next stage of the selection process. I immediately checked my email and there I saw their official invitation for the first-stage interview.

April 3rd. The interview. I honestly think it went better than I thought it would. I managed to answer most of the questions. And there was only one area where I am not sure about. Mind you I was an hour early because I thought I didn't know the place. But actually I've been there before in one of my English class trips. So yeah. But like I said it went well.

April 9th. The outcome. I received a voicemail from the recruitment officer asking me to call him so we can discuss the interview and the outcome. I excitedly tried to call him and he gave me the greatest news ever. He said the feedback was really positive, that I came across really well and that my communication skills was very strong. It really boosted my confidence. Told my parents about the news and we were all happy. I also told my accounting tutor and he was really proud of me as well.

April 17th. The assessment day. The day involved 2 psychometric tests (verbal and numerical), individual presentation, and a second interview. After that, we were taken to lunch by someone who recently joined PwC. She was really nice and we had the chance ask her informal questions like how was the pay like. HAHA That day was not so good. The presentation was hard and nerve wracking. One question in the 2nd interview, I didn't answer well. The question was "Describe a situation where you have demonstrated innovation." I am not going to tell you my answer coz it was CR*P. Lol. That night I was really scared so I prayed and asked for strength that whatever the outcome is I'd be able to accept it. Though I know that not getting it will really hurt me.

April 18th. The DAY. Mixed emotions. I was scared. I can't even describe the feeling. After the assessment the day before the recruitment officer told us that we will receive a call at about 5pm (Friday) whether they would make us an offer or not. It was only 10AM when my phone rang while I was playing Quadrapop. I nervously answered it, knowing that whatever he would say would definitely change my life. Unsure about whether it would be a good or bad change, I managed to utter a decent hello. I heard a familiar voice and he said, "I've got good news for you. We would like to make you an offer." I felt the kind of happiness I never felt before. It was a good change, no it was GREAT. He talked about the tentative start date and stuff. I couldn't even focus because I just couldn't believe they offered me the job. It was surreal, dream-like. Was it even real? That time I am not sure. But I could not stop myself from shouting like a crazy person and jumping up and down. Woke up my dad told him the greatest news ever. Then called my mom in her work, bugged her just to tell her that I got accepted. Then I called my nana and she was very happy too. It was really one of the greatest days of my life. Coz it marked the turning point of my future. Just to be clear the craziness started after our phone conversation. LOL

To cut the story short, I almost told every one I knew and I felt like I won the lottery because all of them congratulated me and were really proud of me. Words could not capture how I felt that day, how happy I was, how grateful I was and still is. Thanks to HIM up there coz after all the bad and the not-so-good things I've been through, despite my shortcomings HE blessed me with some thing as great as this. HE gave the big break I was waiting for, the break that would take me closer and closer to my dreams.

In my next entry, I will talk about how my life changed from that day on. I think this is too long now and to be honest I still am not finished. LOL. So till my next post.

Inlab ako!

2008-03-06T13:39:00.000-08:00

Oo. Totoo. Inlab ako. Pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon, heto tumitibok na naman ang puso ko. Kakaiba yung pakiramadam. Gusto ko siyang makita palagi. Makasama o kahit titigan na lang buong araw. Siya oh! Tingnan mo!

Pag-iipunan kita baby. Huwag ka mag-alala, magkakasama rin tayo. Lagi ka naman nasa puso't isipan ko eh. Isasakripisyo ko yung mga subway at starbucks moment ko para sayo. Hindi ko bibigyang pansin yung mga sale or bargain na nadadaanan ko. Kahit hindi ko na muna makita yung mall. Para sayo gagawin ko yun.

It's only you that I want. That I adore. That I love.

Rejections

2008-02-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

Rejections keep coming like crazy. Well I might be exaggerating a little bit. So I applied to five universities only two of which I badly want to go to. Why apply for five? Because that's the required number of unis I have to put in my UCAS. Recently, when I checked my UCAS track site, one more university rejected my application. The first rejection I received was from LSE. I was a bit bummed about it but I mustered up the courage to call their admissions office to ask details regarding my application decision. I would say their reply to my query was neither helpful nor re-assuring. All they said in the email since decision details cannot be discussed over the phone was that the combination of the subjects I am studying right now DID NOT MEET THEIR REQUIREMENTS. And that's it. They did not even elaborate on the said REQUIREMENTS. So I had to move on. The second rejection was easier to accept since I really don't have plans to go there anyway. Just don't ask why I applied for it! HAHA

Overall, I am bummed about all these rejections. But I'd like to think that these are blessings in disguise. I'm starting to feel that maybe I'm not good enough but I have to believe that there are reasons, good reasons for all this. The bright side is that one of the two unis I want to go to already gave me an offer. So as long as I get the required grades then I could definitely study there. I am still patiently waiting to hear from the other university of my choice. That's why I keep on praying.

I'm not losing hope because I cannot afford to. All these trying times whether it concerns my studies or just life in general would only make me stronger. Holding on to my faith and keeping that desire to reach all my dreams burning will eventually lead to my sweet and hard-earned success.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Hebrew 11:1

And AGAIN!

2008-01-29T03:57:00.000-08:00

Here I am again. Feel like I am back to square one. At the very start of this year, I promised to change my ways. But lately, especially now I can't seem to keep that promise. I know it's going to bite me in the a** some time in the future but that doesn't seem to be enough to will myself to do what I promised to do!

I worry about too many things. I'm getting real bored with school. Today, I missed my classes. I'm losing my motivation to do anything. Sometimes I can't figure out what I want. I don't know what I want to do or what I want my life to be.

It is too hard when you're in this certain place where every one expects you to work and figure out your future. It's like they are watching your every step making sure you're moving forward. When their very act is what grounds you to a halt because there are times when you needed to slow down. Move in a slower pace but they're pushing you too fast. It's like you're in the center stage and every thing you do is subject to scrutiny. No where to go. There's no escape and there's no going back either.

And when you think of it, all you wanted is just to take a little break. To slow down a little and enjoy the journey. Is there really a need to hurry up? Is it so bad if you take a little more time than others? Isn't it about the journey that you take, lessons and experiences you gather along the way that matters most? Because these are the things that will shape you and mould that tomorrow your after for.

So maybe I'll be taking a break. A quick rest might be just what I need to restore my motivation and wake up that innner determination to keep moving and finish what I have started.

New layout

2008-01-21T11:31:00.003-08:00

The exam went fine. Although I'm not really satisfied with how I did. I guess I just have to wait for the results. I'm just glad it's all over and done with. I can relax for a good 2 months before I start freaking out again for the results. The good thing is a managed to finish the report. All I can do now is hope for the best.

Last night, I was reading the entries in my old blog. And I found this quote *quote again. yes I am a sucker for quotes. LOL*,

Before a new chapter begins, the old one has to end. Tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need... Closing cycles, not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because that no longer fits your life. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are. - Paulo Coelho on Pragmatism

It's a good thing these kind of quotes are just around the corner because it helps me. I don't always have someone to tell me this and that sort of things. And sometimes a little reminder is just what I need.

Anyway as you can very well see *yes you, my imaginary reader*, I've got a new layout. Loving the rainbow colours. This is it for now!

after 48 years. . .

2008-01-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am sort of back. I'm not really suppossed to be updating this blog since I should be revising for my exam tomorrow. It's a BIGGIE by the way. Pero since pasaway ako, I am HERE.

Well, I am really not keen on writing updates on what happened to me the past few months. All I can say is that it's a mixture of bad and good, sad and happy moments. Ganun lang naman talaga ang life di ba? There are ups and and downs but the beauty of it lies on how you stand up every time you fall and how you remain grateful for the blessings despite of the pain and tears you have to shed along the way. Life will never be easy and pain-free but it is a beautiful gift. I just want to share this insipiring quote I read few days ago:

Life is a matter of perspective. Either you complain that roses have thorns or you rejoice that thorns have roses. It all depends on how you look at it.

Simple thought but very inspiring. It's almost like an eye-opener for me. Coz I admit that most of the time I tend to focus on my problems, complain about the hardships I have to go through. Therefore, I am missing all the little blessings that I continuously receive from Him. The simple fact that I am still here today experiencing life is something I should always be grateful for.

Sometimes we could get caught up in our problems and dilemmas but we should all strive to find the light so we could see that it's not all bad. Problems come with solutions. Things happen for a reason. Although there are times when solutions are hard to find and reasons are unknown to us, it doesn't mean we lost the fight or we reached the end. I'd like to believe that there are no dead ends for they are just walls or obstacles that test our strength and determination to reach for that something. We just have to work our way around these walls.

And just like me, I know many people experience those "I want to give up" moments. However, I hope that just like me, they find that strength and courage deep within themselves to go on and realise that life doesn't end where their problems start. Conflicts make us better individuals, hardships make us stronger persons. We all might have heard or read these phrases more than a hundred times but the truth in these lines doesn't change. You can either be cynical about it or be comforted by its meaning. At the end of the day, it's your choice and your choices and decisions today are the ones that mould the shape of your tomorrow.

Credits to: http://quoteshaven.org/ - for the quote

future

2007-10-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

School, work, applying for other jobs and trying to get into a suitable volunteer programme. With work and college how could I even have time to volunteer. Oh well there's no harm in trying anyway.

College is busy as ever. But it is a relief that I finished my university application. I handed it in to my personal tutor for her to check. Then it will be sent off to the referee for a final check (again) and hopefully it should go off by this week (provided all the details are correct and there's nothing wrong with my personal statement). I had it (my personal statement) checked by an admissions tutor from UCLAN and though he was a little bit harsh his honest opinion and constructive criticisms made my personal statement even better *I hope*!

So here's the universities I am applying to:

Durham University - included in the top 20 best universities in terms of accounting and finance degree

University of Manchester - ranks 4th in the university league table for accounting and finance degree. Plus it's 20 minutes away from my place by train. This is actually my first choice now.

Newcastle University - used to be my first choice. The only university in UK that offers an accelerated route to qualifying as a chartered accountant. The course is 4 years with work placement during the 2nd year till the last year. They work in partnership with PriceWaterHouseCoopers and ICAEW. Roughly 12 months after graduation, you could qualify as chartered accountant. But it is far away. Newcastle is near the Scottish border.

London School of Economics (University of London) - the best university to study accounting. Tuition fee is the same but living costs are very very high. That puts me off.

University of Warwick - still in the top 20! Not really sure why I applied for this one. I have researched the course modules they offer and it's pretty much the same with other universities I have applied for.

My final decision will depend on which university will offer me a place. I'm not going to be too optimistic thinking that all of them will give me an offer. I am hoping though that LSE, Manchester and Newcastle will be the ones who would consider my application. Hopefully *fingers crossed*.

I think this is too long now. I'll talk about my intentions of volunteering in my next entry because it's pretty late. I need to hit the sack!

new and different

2007-10-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

This time I want it to be different. Like what my layout says, I am letting go. Letting go of the pain, animosity, hurt, failures and everything else that holds me back. Things, feelings that create a wall between me and the few important persons in my life. I can't afford to lose anymore of those few people right now.

So this new blog would be different. Different in the sense that after a few months or years I would be reading posts of how I gracefully stood up whenever I fall down or how I face my problems with strong faith. This would be a reminder that all the struggles I am going through and will be going through will just make me a stronger and better person in the end.

And I'm striving for a love-post-free-blog. After what I have gone through, I think it's time for me to exercise my right to be bitter. Maybe not totally love free because for awhile I had my focus on a particular kind of love when there's so many kinds of love out there. I just think this is what's right for me. To close my heart for now and stop hoping for someone. I know there are more pressing things I have to do and goals I have to focus on.

It's been difficult for me for the past few months but thanks to my mom's re-assuring love, I survived and still surviving. She's extra-ordinary and sometimes I wonder how she does that. After all that I have put her through, her love never wavered. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's awesome and I love her so much. And the one true force behind my strength is HIM up there. Now I know that whatever happens, I have reinforcements by my side which means I'll survive and things will be fine.